If there’s a single trait I see most often in my work that consistently gets clients into trouble with their mental health, it would be the tendency to people please. I’m not keen on the term people pleasing. Commonly, it’s connected with a pre-occupying need to be liked, a trait we’re conditioned to look down in our highly individualistic societies. Clients will often visibly wince and shift uncomfortably when I raise it. However, the purpose of people pleasing, and the circumstances in which most commonly develops, are nearly always more concerned with avoiding dislike than they are subconscious attempts to accrue praise or positive attention. In fact, many people pleasers engage with this behaviour to not be noticed at all, and that is often especially true for clients who are on the autistic spectrum.
Before we get into the steps themselves, a brief caveat. If it feels possible, reasonable and you have good support networks that will enable you to implement these five pillars, go for it. If you don’t yet have that, a pre-preparatory step may be required. Take some time to think about the people or situations in your life where you can already do any of the five things below. Just as importantly, think about the people or situations where you absolutely cannot.
